everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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