wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
