We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
