i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers