If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.