I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you need anything just hit me up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...