you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
