her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
