Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
honey bunches of taint.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even my vagina gasped.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
