those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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