Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
