Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We talked him into tasing himself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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