So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
