you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dear god my vagina.
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