this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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