omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we're so committed to being not committed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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