If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
