Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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