we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Actions speak louder than pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
