You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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