My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
