i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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