I wish I could punch you in the face.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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