The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
