Betty ford says i'm here all night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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