Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
love makes seman taste better
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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