some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
