Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
