You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you will always have a special place in my vag
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
