just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
