It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
