I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
