Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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