Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You've changed since you got that strap on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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