I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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