Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize