wrigley field is MILF paradise
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
