His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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