Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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