So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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