Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
