Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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