im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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