peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
