wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
