I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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