You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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