I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
