so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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