you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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