i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
