I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's like heaven, but drunker
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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