well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
