you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize