i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
