It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
