I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
