No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
