So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
