pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
