I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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