Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
