I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
