i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
