She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
